Names in this story are changed.

Joanne was sick and tired of her 45-minute commute.

She dreamt of peaceful mornings sipping coffee with her husband, instead of living fish-to-fish in the sardine can that is the New York Subway. So, when work-from-home became mandated, she jumped at the opportunity. Her workstation looked Pinterest-worthy, standing desk and all. Finally, she could live that morning of her dreams.

So why was Joanne more miserable than ever?

Despite dreams of relaxing mornings and calm workdays, Joanne began to long for the sardine life once more. The double whammy of a high-demand career and the baby at home added challenges. Time together with her husband was spent half-watching Netflix together on the couch after putting the baby to bed. As she put it to me herself:

“We’re happy together, but right now, it feels like we look at our phones more than each other.”

My experience working with Joanne and many other burnout-afflicted women is far from uncommon.

Eighteen months into our new COVID reality, a full one-third of women are considering quitting their jobs or cutting their hours. Of course, these same women have performed three times as much child care during the pandemic and do household chores at a higher rate than their male partners.

Of course, we’re burned the hell out!

For many women, leaving their career is indeed the right decision. After years of work-to-the-bone culture, the world is beginning to realize how essential leisure, relationships, and intimacy are to life fulfillment. But in my experience as a former business owner, current rabbi, and coach for women, turning in that two-week notice might not solve your burnout issues.

Instead, we first need to set boundaries — and then enforce them.

Joanne did the opposite. As a manager at her firm, Joanne tried to be everything to everyone. She accepted every “quick coffee,” auto-accepted any proposed meeting time if it remotely fit in her calendar, and let anyone who asked “jump on a call to pick her brain.”

Make no mistake: being generous is encouraged, but you can’t give from an empty cup!

In coaching, I work with women to suss out the deep-rooted beliefs that they use as a map to navigate life. In Joanne’s case, she felt responsible to “show up” for the other person, and that turning down any request for her time meant failing to show up for them.

This is where I gave some tough love. If you show up running on empty, you’re not going to go anywhere!

So as a coach, I worked with Joanne to set rules around her time; something more and more important for those working from home. I had her schedule dates with her husband, even if they were just walks in the park.

By working less and enjoying her life more, Joanne enjoyed work more too! (What a concept!)

Joanne’s empty cup — thanks to boundaries — was full again. But she made sure to sip her own coffee first.

Curious if coaching could be the solution you’re looking for? I’m offering free consultations for a limited number of new clients. Click here to learn more.